TinaJuanFitness.info

• I don't exercise at all. If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them up higher on my body.
• I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
• Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course but they look terrific.
• I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
• "At my gym they have free weights, so I took them." -- Steve Smith
• The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.
• My gym trainer told me to touch my toes. I said, "I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?"
• I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
• I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. -- Barry Gray
• If God had wanted us to run, instead of a belly button, He'd have given us a fast-forward button.
• I used to run five miles every day. Then I decided it was easier to move closer to the bus stop.
• The physical fitness craze doesn't make sense. The guy who exercises every day and the person who never exercises at all end up with the same thing -- a body that will last a lifetime.

• Remember, before beginning any exercise program, check with your doctor -- to make sure your heart can take the shock of the price of exercise equipment.
• The first time you try cross-country skiing, try a small country.
• Exercises like pushups and chin-ups can be dangerous because they elevate the blood pressure significantly. The best indication that it's time to rest is a heart attack.
• Wearing a sweat suit while exercising in warm weather will jeopardize your health. It is a good idea, however, to wear something.
• Using an exercise bicycle in your house gives your cardiovascular system the same workout as jogging outdoors, plus an added advantage: you can have the heart attack in the privacy of your home.

• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
• Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
• The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
• Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but also doubled it.
• "I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster." – Joe Lewis
• The Garlic Diet: You don't lose weight; you just look thinner from a distance.
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
• A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and stand in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.
• Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. -- Alexander Woollcott
• Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. -- Mark Twain
• The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. -- Andy Rooney
• The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. -- Edward I. Koch

• Weigh yourself fully clothed after dinner and again the next morning without clothes and before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
• Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
• When weighing, remove everything, including eyeglasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget to remove jewelry, as it could weigh as much as a pound!
• Buy only cheap scales, never the medical kind. Accuracy is the enemy and high quality scales are very accurate.
• Always go to the bathroom first.
• Weigh yourself after a haircut; this is good for up to half a pound of hair (hopefully).
• Exhale with all your might before stepping onto the scale. (Air has weight, right?)
• Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto a towel rod slowly edge your other foot onto the scale while slowly releasing the towel rod. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped onto the scale normally.

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